My 2018 Highlight: Getting Through a Quarter Life Crisis (Part 1)

Since I was a little girl, everybody told me to study well, graduate college and get a high paying job. This way I will be able to get a nice life and will be able to help out my family. For the first 22 years of my life, this has been the goal, get a high paying job so I can help my family. Although at the back of my mind, I certainly know that I want to travel the world, own a very nice house and car, and buy anything I want. But all of these felt like mere dreams in my sleep.

When I started working after graduation, becoming realistic suddenly became my motto. I stopped dreaming about fantasies. All I cared for was to pay my bills, feed myself, help my family and buy myself some of my material wants. ‘Adulting’ suddenly felt like a slap in my face. It was hard to wake up early in the morning and spend 15 hours a day for work. What’s harder was withstanding a toxic boss and a very fast paced job. But I got no time to complain, again, I have bills to pay.

Several months later, that became my reality and I have to get by on that reality. I was trying to look for the light on my ‘adulting’ life and reasons to endure and get by each day. Then, I stumbled upon “I live for the weekends” mindset. I thought, “Hey! If life is hard and I got bills to pay, I can still enjoy life right? So why not endure everything on the weekdays so I can enjoy life on the weekends?” That really sounded interesting at the time. For a time, I got a reason to endure the traffic, pollution, toxicity, stress and the goes on..

After more than 2 years of working, I was able to travel to different places locally, provide for my family and constantly pay my bills. But then, I started to ask the question, “Is this the meaning of life? You work so you can pay the bills and experience a little of life? What now? Do I need to get married and have children so I can find the meaning of life?”

With that question in mind, I suddenly thought of going back to reading books. When I started working, one of the most unfortunate things that happened to me is to lose my interest in reading books. I was just so tired everyday that all I could ask for most of the time is to have a rest. Isn’t it sad?

(continued on next post..)

 

2 thoughts on “My 2018 Highlight: Getting Through a Quarter Life Crisis (Part 1)”

  1. THIS! High school definitely did not prepare me for my future and as much as I love them to pieces, neither did my parents. Once I graduated, the options were either college or enlist in the military. Definitely didn’t see myself going through the gas chamber then so more school it was. Mind you, I was never a star in grade school. I, like you, wanted more for my life and had such a broad picture of living my free life. I always told myself that I would NEVER work a 9-5 and live just to pay bills. For awhile, that mindset was working. I was a travel model for a few years and when the shows had slowed down, I worked retail jobs. When I was in college, because I had no plan, I was lost and ended up failing out of it. Eventually, I gave in to the conformed lifestyle. Currently, I work at the bank and my paychecks is EXACTLY enough to pay my bills. Nothing more. I was never much of a reader, although I am open to it, my attention span becomes my worst enemy when I try. Currently trying to find my way back to finding myself. Believe once I truly know me, everything else will fall into place.

    1. Wow! Thank you for taking the time to read my post. This is really overwhelming! The post isn’t done yet, in fact. But I am happy that we share some common feelings/experiences. I am so delighted to hear your story as well and to know people who feel the same way as I am. I am also working a 6-6 shift at the moment but I am keeping the fire alive to live purposely and breakaway from this corporate cage.

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