Since I was a little girl, everybody told me to study well, graduate college and get a high paying job. This way I will be able to get a nice life and will be able to help out my family. For the first 22 years of my life, this has been the goal, get a high paying job so I can help my family. Although at the back of my mind, I certainly know that I want to travel the world, own a very nice house and car, and buy anything I want. But all of these felt like mere dreams in my sleep.
When I started working after graduation, becoming realistic suddenly became my motto. I stopped dreaming about fantasies. All I cared for was to pay my bills, feed myself, help my family and buy myself some of my material wants. ‘Adulting’ suddenly felt like a slap in my face. It was hard to wake up early in the morning and spend 15 hours a day for work. What’s harder was withstanding a toxic boss and a very fast paced job. But I got no time to complain, again, I have bills to pay.
Several months later, that became my reality and I have to get by on that reality. I was trying to look for the light on my ‘adulting’ life and reasons to endure and get by each day. Then, I stumbled upon “I live for the weekends” mindset. I thought, “Hey! If life is hard and I got bills to pay, I can still enjoy life right? So why not endure everything on the weekdays so I can enjoy life on the weekends?” That really sounded interesting at the time. For a time, I got a reason to endure the traffic, pollution, toxicity, stress and the goes on..
After more than 2 years of working, I was able to travel to different places locally, provide for my family and constantly pay my bills. But then, I started to ask the question, “Is this the meaning of life? You work so you can pay the bills and experience a little of life? What now? Do I need to get married and have children so I can find the meaning of life?”
With that question in mind, I suddenly thought of going back to reading books. When I started working, one of the most unfortunate things that happened to me is to lose my interest in reading books. I was just so tired everyday that all I could ask for most of the time is to have a rest. Isn’t it sad?
(continued on next post..)